Clark Kent

I just got something. Superior me. I am better than you. That part of me that holds on to control by sitting higher. A pedestal above. I know and you don't. AND I will fix you. I know the answers and can solve you. And when I do, I will be known as the fixer, the guy who solved you, the one to see to become un-broken. As a teacher, I used this to manage, to control, to keep the peace, to keep things in place, to maintain order. And yet, what if I give up this holy role, this looking down? Who am i if I am not better, not in control? Out of control. Out of reach, tailspinning, free fall. Or not. Grounded in who I am, who I can be outside of that control. Empowered to ask questions from a different place, a place of knowing and not knowing, a place of wonder and possibility, a space for creativity, for creating and exploring without judgement and assessment. As of course, you are not broken. There is no fixing. You are not a leaking tap to be maintained. I am not a handyman for your soul. I get it. And I am sad. Sad as if a friend is leaving. That part of me wilting, disappearing, losing its hold, its power. Sad in change, in my relationship to change, to loss, of who I thought I was, who was me. Who am I now?