Uncle John's Enchanted Toilet Bathroom Reader

"I'm sorry I spread poo all over the bed, and that I stuffed the book into the toilet, and made the pile of stuff in the corner of my room," said Rowan, out of the blue, in the car, three weeks after.

~

Mary-Kate and I had stepped out of the house for a short meeting. Left the girls to play and be looked after by three friends. We were on the front porch for about forty-five minutes, came back in the house, and a chorus of screaming welcomed us. All three kids, crying, screaming, whaling, and then one of our friends says,

"That's a parent's job."

OK. That would be me. I go upstairs to find a potty in the middle of the girls' bed, and the target has been missed. And then spread around. God knows how this happened. I'm in some kind of twisted family CSI episode, looking for clues. And then I turn to see the toilet overflowing, rush over to plunge, and see little ripped bits of pages flowing over the edge of the seat. Rowan! Any idea what's happening here? Why the toilet is overflowing?

"Oh, we stuffed a book into it."

OK. So I roll up my sleeves and reach down through the floating bits of pages and the other chunks, and I find paper jammed hard, and not breaking down. So I begin to pull them out, bit by bit, little pieces of text, all the while trying to figure out what book this is, and why. Why? How did this happen? Row? 

"Well, we just didn't like that book."

OK. Pause. Breathe. Flush. And the literary waterfall re-gushes. So I reach down further, as far as I can reach, and there is still more book chunks. And still it is clogged. So I get out the special plumbing auger snake, and twist it in there, and keep pulling out more and more text, from deep down. It really travelled, this book. OK, the last bit. Finally it's free. I'm free.

~

"That's OK Row. Thank you for apologizing. What do you think is going on during those times?" I say.

"I just have a lot of energy," she says.

OK. What to say as parent. Where is the learning here? Is there any way into anything rational here? Is there any kind of "catch and re-direct" button on a five year-old? Any way to pause, and step back.

"Do you think there are any other ways to spend that energy?"

"I could jump on the trampoline. I could skip in the skipping rope. I could run around the kitchen island."

"All great ideas Row. All great ideas."

"Any chance you could notice when you have a lot of energy. Maybe let us know, so we can help you do some jumping and running?"

"Yes, Poppa. Can I have a freezie now?"